This article was originally published in The Simplifier #51.
The sun radiates - and so should you!
By Shawn Tuttle
Whatever your personal worldly goals are, you most likely have a desire to help others. It’s true—we give and receive help all the time. Sharing skills and resources is a fundamental drive.
This is one of the reasons that so many people have chosen to simplify. More free time and energy means more opportunities to help and connect with others. Is it just the act of service that makes us feel good? No. Rather, it’s the emotional feelings experienced—we feel it in our hearts. That’s what makes us feel good.
More richness for everyone
Now, it’s quite possible that if your life has become complicated to the point of “losing yourself”, the focus of simplifying will be (and should be) on you for a while. Setting goals to help others may go on the back-burner for a while. In fact, it may take some time to get in touch with service-oriented goals. If you feel depleted and frazzled, your goal may simply be: take care of self.
This is entirely appropriate! Taking care of yourself provides the precious water to refill your depleted reservoir. When your reservoir is full, not only do you function best, you are in a position to share generously. To continue to share requires a sustainable flow of giving and receiving.
Connecting through kindness
Whatever the level of your reservoir, engaging in sincere and kind communication helps fill it up. Maybe it means a conversation in which you listen more than talk. Maybe it means extra patience in a rushed situation. Maybe it means inviting someone to go ahead of you at the store if they have tired and grumpy kids on their hands.
These gentle and considerate ways of connecting touch your heart—and that’s what fills you up. They don’t require planning or forethought, merely a willingness to allow them to happen. (And in your journey for a simplified life, you’ve been building more time into your schedule between activities, right? This allows more time for random acts of kindness!)
Expressing appreciation
While our kind actions make us feel good, we feel even better when we are acknowledged for our efforts. To have a glimpse of ourselves through the eyes of another—to be seen and heard. Isn’t that what the desire for appreciation is truly about? We want others to know that we put in sincere effort for them. We want to be acknowledged for our contributions.
Spiritual texts encourage us to act without expectation of receiving in return, and this is indeed a good place to act from. But how often have you seen someone’s self-esteem boosted when acknowledged for positive action? The child who cleaned their room without being asked. The employee who went the extra mile and finished the task on time. The client who unexpectedly sent you kind words and permission to use them as a testimonial. Even though the child, employee, or client may not expect kudos for their unexpected actions, the response they receive can easily provide the motivation for more positive action.
Painful silence
In a work environment, it can be easy to forget how far a few words of appreciation go. Human resource studies have shown that appreciation and recognition often top the list of employee motivation. Face it, we want to know that what we invest our time and energy into is making a difference.
A friend recently moved from the area for a new job. The reason she left her former position? Her boss was a bit of “jerk”. What did that mean? She had worked her tail off for weeks on a big project and received zero acknowledgment from him. This had been the case for all of their projects since she began working for him. With neither feedback during the process nor a simple “Thank you” upon completion, it was like submitting her work to a black hole.
The importance of appreciative words goes far beyond the workplace. One of the public service announcements on TV in the ’80s showed a young boy returning home with a bag of groceries. With a note of pride in his voice he shouted up the stairs, “I’m home from the store!” The mother’s voice responded impatiently, “Did you remember the milk?” The little boy’s frame just sank. You could tell that all he needed was a sincere “Thank you!” to feel good about his successful mission.
You’ve probably seen and heard examples like these around you. You may have even felt ignored or neglected because something you did seemed to go unnoticed. Unfortunately, it happens all too frequently in this fast-paced world. The effects of appreciation reach far beyond each situation. While it’s impractical to demand that others appreciate you, you can do your part and spread joy by appreciating others!
Spread joy, feel joy
Everyone has a bum day every once in a while. Some people have bum weeks, months, or even years. Help a friend, stranger, colleague, employee, or family member feel a little better about themselves. It’s easy. Show them that you saw the effort they made. Let them know that what they did made a difference for you. Express appreciation to them. Generously, frequently, sincerely. You’ve no idea what kind of impact you can make on them.
It’s easy to take language for granted. Connecting with others meaningfully via the language of appreciation is a key simplifying tool that’s too often overlooked. It cuts past the day to day and goes straight to your heart’s desires. The things that are most important are those that are close to your heart. That’s what a meaningful life is all about. Connecting with others in the spirit of appreciation is good for everyone!
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Shawn Tuttle is founder of Project Simplify.
