This article was originally published in The Simplifier #70.

Article: Stop Sandbagging Yourself 

By Shawn Tuttle

Do you believe in your vision of yourself as a natural professional; in other words, do you love your work and feel satisfaction deeply? Or does this vision feel a little out of reach? It might seem so elusive that the thought of manifesting it in your life doesn’t even seem like a possibility. Maybe you are hindering yourself with self-sabotage.

Science has a name for something that sucks on your energy, while giving nothing positive in return. Something that will continue to feed on you until you cut it off: a parasite. Think of a tick. A disgusting, blood-sucking little tick. You might not feel it initially, but as it grows from feeding on you, it begins to wear down your immune system and tap your strength, perhaps even leaving you diseased.

Each of the little things that get in your way are like sandbags holding down a hot air balloon. You are in the basket looking to the sky with a desire to fly, and yet there you are hovering over the ground because of all the sandbags tied to your basket. One by one you cut them off… until… oh! what’s that now? You’re rising! Soon you are soaring through the air, dream come true!

There are different strains of self-sabotage that gain strength when you give them energy. One of these mutations involves self-limiting beliefs and negative talk. These seemingly-offhand little outbursts are really quite harmful. Maybe you feel increased frustration or anger, or your shoulders and back slump. Maybe it sparks a flash of self-loathing. They get to you whether you feel them or not. 

Whether you say it out loud or think it to yourself, negative talk has the same result as sandbags holding down a hot air balloon. 

The situation:
You use visualization to imagine your goal—you are unstoppable! Then you open your eyes, and deflate with a sigh: “If only I wasn’t such a mess”.

Without even thinking about it, we commit insidious acts of self-sabotage by saying or thinking things like:
“I’m such an idiot.”
“I’ll never get organized.”
“I can’t handle this.”

We know that telling our kids they are dumb or useless is a horrible thing to do. So why is it OK to say these things to ourselves? Not only do they bring you down, they lower your belief in your abilities to handle situations. Hopelessness spreads when you feel inadequate to deal with situations, which in turn raises your stress level. Just as the ocean slowly wears away the seaside cliff wave after wave, self-limiting beliefs erode your belief in yourself. 

Oddly enough, when working with people on their self-limiting beliefs, I sometimes hear a tone that resembles pride. Maybe they have a misplaced American glorification of “more is better”? Or maybe they’ve pumped so much energy into their self-labeling that they’ve tied up their identity in it. Whatever it is, there can be a real resistance to stopping the negative talk.

Here’s the thing: self-limiting beliefs suck your energy just like a tick does. That’s the bad news. The good news is that it might take less effort than you think to cut it off. You can’t leave a tick once you know it’s there. You may have to push through a little discomfort when you take it out, but you can’t let that stop you. 

So, yes. The cost is high enough to work on eradicating the parasites. Depending on how deeply rooted they are, the effort may be as easy as quitting them cold turkey, or as involved as going to therapy. Here are some simple steps to try before you resort to looking in the yellow pages under “T”. 

Create replacement phrases
Using replacement phrases is a great way to change the self-limiting beliefs into something positive, or at least neutral. The trick is to create phrases that your brain is willing to accept. 

For example, let’s consider replacement phrase for the following situation: every time you walk into your office you think, “I’m such a mess! I can’t get organized.” 

Here are some options:

1. State the opposite: “I’m organized!”
   Since this currently is so far from the truth, your mind just might not take it seriously. It’s important to get your mind playing on your team! This one can work if you know that your disorganization is a temporary state. If you scoff at hearing yourself say, “I’m organized,” one of the following options will probably work better for you.
2. Acknowledge the process: “I’m getting organized.”
   This gives you an allowance for the ebb and flow of the state of organization in your space.
3. Focus on your capabilities: “I am capable of getting organized.”
   This is a good option because it focuses on your potential rather than what your ego is trying to establish as an unchangeable truth.
4. Be action-oriented: “I can put five things away today.”
   Taking action pulls the spotlight away from debilitating thoughts and shifts it to something you can do today. Let the goals be small to give your self plenty of room for success.
5. Be silly: “Piece of cake! Pigpen never had it so good!”
   Reminding yourself that a situation is rarely as bad as you make it out to be can help put it into perspective. Lighten up - life is meant to be lived, not pummeled! 

See how these options take the focus away from discouraging dead-end thoughts and instead give you an escape route to a better situation? 

Putting it into practice

1. Identify self-limiting thoughts and words as they occur.
2. Stop the thought in its tracks. 
3. Breath deeply to expand your lungs and relax your shoulders.
4. Repeat your replacement phrase.

You’ll want to say your replacement phrase with confidence and conviction—though depending on the venue, you may get some weird looks if you say it out loud. =)

Depending on how long these negative loops have been playing in your life, a good dose of perseverance may be required. Happily, it gets easier to stop negative thoughts on demand. If you don’t achieve success after a while with the above simple process, you may want to call in some reinforcements. 

– If you are willing to do a self-guided exploration to unravel your self-limiting thoughts, Byron Katie shares a process of inquiry called The Work. A thorough explanation and worksheets for download can be found on her website here.

– If your overactive mind resists any budging of your self-limiting beliefs, working with a therapist may be the nudge needed to get the ball rolling. 

The first step toward halting the detrimental effects of negative thought patterns is acknowledging they are a part of your speech or internal dialogue. From there, you have options for turning those around. See what works best for you.

Where will you go in your hot air balloon once it’s off the ground? Whether you know exactly or not, reforming self-sabotaging thoughts into supportive ones will provide you with fuel to soar. You can do what you set your mind to—let your words and thoughts reflect your ability to make progress towards your heart’s desire.  

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Shawn Tuttle is founder of Project Simplify.