This article originally appeared in The Simplifier #27.

Frogger vs. On Golden Pond

By Shawn Tuttle

On Tuesday in Toastmasters, our club President asked this question of the day: “How do you know when you are stressed?”

Going around the room, the answers painted a predictable picture: I get irritated, I can’t fall asleep, I wake up at 4 am and start working, I lose my sense of humor, I get sick, my head screams away at me and I can’t stop it, and so on. It was obvious that life with stress was like the kitchen sink–no matter how thoroughly you clean it, you just accept that specks of food and greasy stuff are soon to follow.

About halfway through the room, a 70-year old, active, still self-employed financial planner answered, “I don’t get stressed.”

A rapid succession of questions fired away in my head: “Doesn’t get stressed? Who doesn’t get stressed? How can he not get stressed? Everyone gets stressed!” Once my 6:30 a.m. mind caught up with the direction of these questions, I reeled that freight train back in. “Wow…novel idea! Right on, Steve! Just say, ‘No!’ to stress.”

Steve’s answer illustrates the fact that not everyone is bruised and battered by stress. So then why do so many of us just accept lack of sleep, irritation, and short tempers? Why don’t we stop and look at what malady these symptoms point to?

A little stress now and again isn’t a big deal. Life happens. Chronic irritation, disease, or physical discomfort brought on by stress, however, are symptoms of a much deeper cause. And the symptoms don’t have to be that extreme to take a deeper look at your life perspective in this regard.

When it comes right down to it, we are talking about a choice. Let’s be extreme and make the options black & white.

Let’s call the first option “Frogger” (the old video game of the little frog trying to cross the highway). A colleague gave a perfect example of this. He said, “You can’t see the world when you are standing in the middle of the highway.” How can you help others, or yourself, when all of your focus goes towards dodging large moving objects? Secretly, the adrenaline and buzz of high energy and feeling important is intoxicating, maybe even addicting. New responsibilities are taken on haphazardly, because, “Hey, I’ll rest when I’m dead!”

Our little froggie is living in a constant state of reaction. He doesn’t have time to evaluate his life priorities or plan for future seasons. I hear the protest now: “Deadlines are a reality of our world!” True–but do we always have to leave things until the last minute? Sometimes circumstances demand this. But not all the time.

What is sacrificed for this constant rush? A little thing called peace of mind. How can our little frog reach the pond on the other side of the road when he can’t take his eyes off the cars rushing down the highway at him?

Let’s call the other option the “On Golden Pond” option. (If you haven’t seen that Oscar-winning movie, you can picture what I mean easily enough just from the title.) Yup, that’s you living in the house on the lovely pond. Your living room looks out on calm, serene water. Doesn’t mean you sit and stare at the water all day–that’d get boring. It does mean your decisions and responsibilities are compatible with your calm life there.

Relationships are richer because you have the time to engage in them. You know how to work hard under pressure of impending storms, and then adjust quickly when the storm has passed. You share without putting yourself in jeopardy. You know how many guests you can take in–only so many can be accommodated without depleting your wood and food supply.

You take time to sit on the porch, tasty drink at your side, and plan for upcoming seasons or events. Maybe the local co-op building needs repair or expansion. Maybe you want to explore methods of building from other cultures. Maybe you want to coordinate a community effort to provide tutoring for local schools. Whatever it is, you do it in such a way that doesn’t sacrifice your peaceful life at the house on the pond. Because that’s the whole point of being there, right? That peaceful life.

Unless you work at a stock exchange or a racetrack, you’re probably thinking you’d rather be in On Golden Pond mode than Frogger mode most of the time. It probably seems like just a fantasy. And it is like a fantasy; it’s a vision. If “vision” is too much for you, how about “mindset”? Whatever it’s called, we’re just talking about a way to look at your life. You do have a choice!

We’re talking about life, so obviously, there is no right or wrong answer. How much Frogger, how much On Golden Pond works for you? Perhaps an entirely different vision speaks to you. The important point here is awareness of the impact your internal vision has on your life–from which activities and responsibilities you commit to, how you move through your day to day activities, and how you balance your life. Rather than be tossed around by the turbulent sea of stress, let your vision guide your life.

If your vision of how things should be is different than your current state of affairs, you’ll want to recall your “golden pond” mindset frequently until it becomes second nature. Honor your vision, insist on it, be vigilant in protecting it.

And remember to enjoy it!

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Shawn Tuttle is founder of Project Simplify

NOTE: Frogger is a trademark of KONAMI CO., LTD., and the movie “On Golden Pond” is copyright ITC Films, Inc. No affiliation is intended or implied.