This article originally appeared in The Simplifier #30.

Relax!

By Shawn Tuttle

It’s early Wednesday afternoon and Karen feels drained. What a week. Monday started with two brutal Marketing Department meetings–berated by a control freak in one, bored to tears in another. Tuesday found her running around putting out fires all day with an ever-worsening headache. And today she’s trying to finish yesterday and today’s deadlines, but she’s finding it very hard to concentrate. Her frustration rises with each phone ring. Must be the 50th time, she thinks.

She vaguely wonders what would happen if she deleted her entire email inbox. A faint smile crosses her lips before she jolts back to reality. A more realistic plan? Getting another cup of coffee to make it through the afternoon. She decides to grant herself 10 minutes to go get a mocha.

On her way there Karen is reminded of a colleague she met with last week—Tom, a real estate agent. He used to have a daily ritual. He’d go to the café on the corner and get the usual: a double shot espresso with two packets of sugar. He claimed there was no fatigue that couldn’t be remedied by a double shot. It seemed to work for him—he was the top producing agent for his firm in 2004.

Several months ago Karen was in the café and she heard the baristas talking. One asked jokingly, “The sky must be falling. Tom didn’t come in yesterday.” Another answered, “Didn’t you hear? He had a heart attack…they say he’s OK.”

It was a couple of months before they saw Tom again. Now when he went to the café, he ordered herbal tea, typically chamomile or mint. He no longer pushed through his fatigue, and he actually took to sitting to drink his tea. He had a more easy going air about him.

When Karen saw him last week she said, “You really look great these days, Tom.” He definitely looked better than she felt. Seems like she was always feeling drained. “Thanks!” he responded.

For some reason she suddenly she found herself asking, “Can I ask you about your heart attack? Do you have a few minutes?”

“Sure thing. What would you like to know?”

“Why did it happen? I mean, did it just happen out of the blue?”

“While I was in recovery, I started looking at my life from an objective perspective,” Tom said. “I could see that for years, my body had been telling me to slow down and I’d ignored the signs. I fell asleep exhausted every night and was responding to emails by 6 a.m. every morning. I saw anything in my way as an obstacle, and, whether it was or not, responded in anger. I used to consider myself a patient person. Looking back, I see that I wanted everything ‘done yesterday’.”

He paused for a moment as he watched a pair of laughing children walk by. “I thought I was a good-humored person but all my humor seemed to have become sarcastic and cutting. The scariest part was that I was convinced I’d enjoy life later because there was always something more important to do. The heart attack made me realize there is no guarantee for a ‘later’ day.”

He continued, “It may sound weird but the heart attack was a good thing for me. I’ve acknowledged my mortality. I used to think that my work and what it accomplished was the most important thing in life. The attack encouraged me to consider that how I do my work is just as important.” He smiled big, “I laugh more easily. I’m enjoying my client relations more. I notice the blossoms blooming on the trees because I walk more. And I take time to talk with people.”

Karen wanted to know how he stayed so calm. He was so different than the old Tom. “So you changed your life, just like that…and now you are calm all the time?”

He couldn’t stop a burst of laughter from escaping. “Are you kidding? Old habits die hard. It’s a constant monitoring process. The main difference is that before I had to reach an extreme level of exhaustion before backing off. Now my tolerance level is much lower. If I feel my breath getting shallow, or my shoulders tensing, or if I’m craving a double shot of espresso,” he smiled wryly, “I know my mind and body are calling for a break.”

“Tough lesson to learn, Tom,” was all she could think to say at the time. He shrugged and smiled as if to say, ‘it is what it is.’ “Time for me to go. Have a good one, Karen.”

Now, at the cafe by herself, Karen swirls her cup, watching the foam on her mocha as she contemplates her conversation with Tom. She is shaken from her trance by her watch beeping, letting her know her ten minute break is up.

On the way back to the office Karen feels that the rush and frustration of the morning have lifted. She is beginning to understand she has a choice in how she does her work and lives her life. “Curious,” she thinks. She stops at the market for an apple and some cookies. While in line for the register, she watches the new checker dropping groceries and practically ignoring the customers in his frazzled effort to get everything done correctly.

When the woman in front of Karen reaches the front of the line, she looks at his name badge and says, “Ian? Stop for a second. I mean it! Just stop. Take a deep breath.” And she breathes along with him in encouragement. “Another. And another. Good. It’s going to be fine.” She gives him a huge, reassuring smile. And he actually smiles back! Karen notices that his shoulders relax down a couple of inches. His movements have visibly slowed, and he doesn’t drop any more groceries.

When it is Karen’s turn, Ian the checker looks her in the eye, smiles, and asks how she’s doing. She takes a deep breath, feels the smile of relief on her lips and replies, “You know what? I’m doing fine.”
—

Shawn Tuttle is founder of Project Simplify