This article was originally published in The Simplifier #58.

Article: The Recipe for a Balanced Life?

By Shawn Tuttle

Balance. It sounds like a great idea: work doesn’t overtake your life, you have the time to develop good relationships with your family, and who knows, maybe you even make enough time to train for and run a marathon. (Not my goal, per se—but my kind of thinking. :-)) 

But what is a balanced life, really? I’d wager to guess that everyone has heard the popular term “work/life balance”. I’ve never liked the phrase. I mean, your work is a part of your life, is it not? I think what the term is trying to say is: balance what you want to do with what you have to do. For the most part, I agree with this concept. However it sounds as if there is some magical balance point to reach, after which all is peachy, when really it’s an ongoing dynamic. Just like if you enjoy a perfect meal; you will be hungry again…

Many have attempted Stephen Covey’s scheduling approach to balance, using Roles. Some have worked with coaches or gone to workshops to obtain a more satisfactory mix of work, personal interests, community and family activities. While there is success to be had balancing the proverbial food groups, where do your “cravings” fit in?

Let’s break it down. If you want balance, that means you want more (or less) of something than you have now. Do you actually have a desire for balance itself? Not likely. Wanting balance is usually a reflection of the desire to change the ratio of how much time you spend in different activities. What are you really wanting? What will motivate you to make changes? 

Note that these examples are stated in the positive (what you want) rather than the negative (what you don’t want).
- more free time?
- more vacation/R&R? 
- more quality time with family or loved ones?
- more community service?
- more experiences of calm and a quiet mind?
- more creative expression?
- more progress on your goals?

Identify what’s important to you that you aren’t getting enough of. Understanding your motivation will provide the juice to keep you moving toward your target. Go ahead and write it down to anchor it. 

To determine how to approach your goal, consider whether it’s an external or internal target you are aiming for.

The externals have to do with what you do. For example, activities such as playing the guitar or helping a friend put up a website. They also include things like a two-week vacation in Hawaii or a monthly weekend get-away. 

You’ll use planning and scheduling tools to increase the amount of time you give these. This is where tools like what Covey and coaches have to offer can help you thrive. 

The internals have to do with how you feel–kind of like cravings. They reflect the quality of your state of being, which includes: 
-care of the body through exercise and nutrition, 
-care of the mind through growth and monitoring thoughts, 
-care of emotions through self-healing, and
-care of spirit through meditation and expressing creativity.

Each of these are cyclical, and while you can strive to work with the cycles you understand (for example, setting a sleep or meditation schedule that feels natural), you know from experience that life happens. 

Say you desire more mind quietness. Somewhere between blank and active is the perfect amount of mental activity for you. You make time in the morning for daily meditation, but once done with your sitting time, how do you keep this calm state? Uh-oh! You stub your toe on the door jam and you have a conversation with your partner who’s feeling particularly cranky. Grrr.

Just as your stomach sends you to the kitchen when hungry, you can let the feeling of an agitated mind be like a craving that tells you it’s time to engage in a mind quieting activity. The only training you need to let this craving be recognizable like a hunger pang is to act on it! When your body knows that this signal gets that response, it will communicate with you in that way. 

Your response doesn’t have to be a big deal. It might be a few deep breaths, your favorite relaxation technique, or just consciously sitting quietly, doing nothing for a few minutes. Just as learning is more effective in small doses over a long period of time as opposed to one big chunk, catching the “craving” when it happens helps you grow your awareness of the balance you seek. 

Taking a combination approach to balance in your life can have outstanding effects. Working with both your external and internal experiences provides strong ammunition for making positive changes. By expanding the concept of balance from just what you do to how you feel, you can increase your chances of having that “perfect meal” every time you sit down to eat from the plate of life. Because remember, you will get hungry again!

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Shawn Tuttle is founder of Project Simplify.