I’m reading, “ADD-Friendly ways to Organize Your Life” by Judith Kolberg and Kathleen Nadeau, PH.D. At the beginning of chapter 2 they write: “Simplifying begins with an analysis of the things that trip you up in daily life.” Then they make suggestions for simple systems that ameliorate these daily functions–functions such as getting dressed, preparing meals, finding keys etc.

Take this further, what does simplicity mean to you? What doesn’t it mean? I.e. what triggers internal discord? What drags you down into murky confusion? These questions often lead to how you spend your time. Some activities contribute to your feeling Great! and others to feeling drained. Perhaps you’ve already determined this and spend all your time doing what feels great…to the neglect of essential activities that then drags you down because you aren’t fulfilling your responsibilities. Have you committed to more than is practical to fulfill? Have you committed to things that you don’t necessarily want to do but just couldn’t bring yourself to say, ”No,” when asked?

If your actions continue to be inconsistent with your committed word, it’s time to develop your skills of renegotiation and diplomatic disengagement — basically, it’s time to deal. Not only is this exercise going to relieve tremendous burden from you, it will help you regain respect you’ve lost from those you’ve ‘let down,’ and will show that you have respect for those people that you shouldn’t have committed to.

Renegotiation and diplomatic disengagement simply mean making the commitments Right. Right in the sense that you are engaged in a way that is appropriate for all involved.

How to begin? Give yourself the time and space to truthfully check in with yourself.

Take one commitment at a time, write it down on a piece of paper. Answer the question, “what is the best role for me in this situation?” Write the answer down. Then ask, “what do I need to do to make this happen?” Write down the answer. This is your guide.

Contact the appropriate person involved for this commitment and schedule a time to talk. Tell them you have over committed and are taking action to set things Right. Apologize. Explain what you feel is the best role for you (just read it off of your paper) and ask for their co-operation. Brainstorm a solution with them (i.e. find a mutually agreeable solution–do not ‘dump’ your role on them). Many times this conversation and honesty will get you off the hook. IF, however, for some reason your desired role can not be met without hardship on someone else, renegotiate (you did commit after all !!) Be realistic about what you can do, come to an agreement, and then do it!